Has anyone else noticed that men have reemerged recently? And I mean aesthetically, fashionably, and even behaviorally. And also, was anyone else tired of the facade that the majority of 18-35 year olds in the last decade have been putting on?
This is for all you chest shaving, spikey haired, American Eagle, roid freak-douche bags. This is not directed at my reader, this is for "them"... the guys who go to the bars looking to "grind" and drink jager, and those of you who will get a laugh from this because you know someone that fits the description.
Well if you have been tired or just plain noticed some unsettling behavior from fellow men, it's time to call attention. and to some I might seem like I'm complaining, but I'm critical and would like to make complaining a profession if I could.
First things first, take off that Ed Hardy shirt. they are fucking horrible looking, and just because it cost 45 dollars and you see assholes on MTV wearing them doesn't make them fashionable. That goes for Affliction shirts, shirts from the over-priced MMA gym you go to and anything that resembles a giant tattoo. Tattoo art is pretty self explanatory, meaning it should be reserved for tattoos. So take your Ed Hardy shirt that matches your tribal arm band tat and give it to your extension wearing girlfriend to wear to bed. oh also, get a shirt that fits; I'm tired of seeing how hard you work on your triceps.
To continue with fashion, lets just make our way down the rest of the body. Next, is the denim. True Religion jeans were never that cool, unless you were a Persian dude living in L.A. five years ago driving an M3 and living in a studio apartment. Distressed denim is just silly and gaudy, and so are jeans that dont look like a pair of jeans. i.e. studs, pocket flaps, tears, fading etc. Just buy a pair of levis. They've been around forever for a reason. A well fitting (not baggy-are you in prison?), simple pair of jeans should be the cornerstone of a mans wardrobe.
Next are the shoes, if your default pair of shoes is a pair of chunky, white Etnies or DC's, your in trouble. just because they make your feet look big doesn't mean your gonna fool the ladies with that big feet big...myth. classic canvas sneakers like vans or chucks are all a man needs, and throw in a pair of vintage nikes or some boots every once in awhile.
Grooming-pick up an issue of GQ or Details and take some cues from the guys that do it right. Get rid of the hair gel, the spikey look, and the over zealous eyebrow care. you should not spend more time on your eyebrows than your lady... plain and simple. Remember 1999?- all the boy bands you and your friends made fun of? They plucked their eye brows, spiked their hair, shaved their chests and arms, and had double hooped earrings, WHY do you in 2009? Thanks Nick Lachey, where did you get your pooka shells?
I know your girlfriend likes the fact that you've embraced your inner "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" but you have to draw a line buddy. "Queer Eye" broke some cultural taboos and brought the gay man into the American home, but come on, grow some balls.
I'm a mans man. I have chest hair, I wear denim shirts and flannels, I like rock-n-roll and hip-hop, I have a wife. And I like beer. This leads me to my last and final gripe. Just because I'm calling for a return to masculinity doesn't mean we have to return to macho douche bags. I wish you could see the guys I see on campus and in my town. Returning masculinity also means returning to being gentleman. What did your mothers do to you MR Douche? Why don't you respect women? Why do you treat them like you do? Are you trying to be on the next Real World? Go to etiquette school or something, learn some fucking manners, and start respecting yourself and women. Please
and just in case you didn't know whom this is directed towards, this will give you a better idea.
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